I have been talking to God about becoming a foster parent. I hate these conversations. My husband is all-out pumped about the prospect. So, as usual, it’s two against one. All I can think about is what it will cost me. Freedom, to come and go as I please and spend my time on what and who I want. Fear, of forgetting my first love and loosing precious hours with my husband. And worst of all, the pain, of getting so close to others that their hurts become mine.
So, I am essentially arguing with God, again. Why suffering? Why can’t life just continue the course? You know, normal. We get old, our kids become parents, we become grandparents. It seems like a simpler, faster way to get home. Isn’t that hard enough? I’m gonna need some convincing. Something more than, “The life of a christian is supposed to be hard.” And, “If your life is too comfortable, you are not living for Jesus.” That makes sense to me, given the fact that I have read about the life of Christ; however, I kinda feel like life is hard. And, I haven’t felt all that comfortable.
It is no coincidence that I am in the book of Exodus.
Then it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God did not lead them by way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, “Lest perhaps the people change their minds when they see war, and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by way of the wilderness of the Red Sea. Ex 13:17-18
When God pulled me out of prison, there was a way that seemed right to me. A route that would make sense to a flight director. But God says, if you go the obvious way, you will spend all your days tangled up in the love of your earthly life. You will fall madly in love with whatever you set your mind to do. But you will not know and love Me….because I am in the wilderness.
A foster mother recently shared some of her life experiences regarding her four children, now adopted through the foster care system. After an entire evening, it was all summed up for me when she said, “I don’t care for orphans because there is a need. Jesus says, “the poor will always be with you.” I do what I do because I love Jesus.”
I don’t want to pretend that I know the future.(my life is a vapor.) But no amount of christian philosophy or reasoning can move this hard heart, like the mere thought of being with Him.
I am convinced.
Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?” But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” John 6:67-68